Are you one of those people who are always trying to please others? Do you fear people’s disapproval or making them upset ?Ask yourself : Are they really happy with you? Guess what, you have become so habitual of pleasing others, always thinking what they might, and might not like, that you have actually lost yourself somewhere in the process.
Why do we care so much about what people think of us, why do we want to come into everyone’s ‘Good books’ Does it really matter, what opinion do they hold of us? As long as what we are doing isn’t morally wrong, and isn’t hurting anyone’s feelings, we are free to make our own decisions.
First of all get this straight, you can’t make everyone happy, even if you want to, so stop trying. Actually we think that the only way to get along with people, is to please them, flatter them, agree with them (even if we don’t find them right all the time)and the moment we will disagree with them, we shall lose them, they will remove us from their lives. Sometimes we are so obsessed with pleasing others that we actually sacrifice our own happiness. You would often hear people saying (log kia kahenge) Think about it, how often you think about others needs before you think about your own needs? It’s sad but our every action is motivated by the desire to make people around us happy.
We find so many college students doing major in subjects that don’t interest them, they don’t love them at all…why? To make their parents happy….to make them proud parents. Many people give up the professions they are madly in love with, as those professions are not acceptable in our society, everyone wants a doctor,engineer,or an MBA.So people compromise their dreams,passions,ambitions and goals, and succumb to the desire of people around them to be accepted.
Ofcourse,there is nothing wrong with helping people, it’s good to help them in any possible way you can, as long as your happiness isn’t compromised in the process ,and NO you are not selfish if you put your needs before anyone else, as you have a right to be happy too. By making people pleased with you, by compromising your needs all the time, you just make yourself miserable for the rest of your lives. I know it’s difficult to say, ‘No’, as we don’t want to hurt or disappoint people, but sometimes you have to learn to say NO, as some people tend to take advantage of you, they take you for granted, they can be really mean, so you need to see the motives behind people’s demands and favors that they want from you.
Sometimes people simply need your help and other times they only want it. You must distinguish between these two. It’s good to help them when they really NEED your help, but they can’t always get what they WANT
The following are the few tips that can help you determine when to say ‘NO’ to people.
If your friend asks you for a favor, for e.g. she asks you to pick her up from the airport, if you are not busy and can manage it, do it by all means, but if you are working and can’t do it, it’s better to say NO and explain your situation, if she is your true friend, she will understand and wouldn’t hold any grudge against you.
Do what you love to do…study the subject you want to study….pursue the career you want to…of course it’s going to hurt your parents feelings for a little while, but eventually, they will get over it and will focus their attention to something else ,apart from their wants for you.
Don’t forget that you have to play the ‘Main part’ of your life, you just can’t take the back seat and let others make decisions for you, you know what is best for you, what you want from your life, not anyone else. Say ‘NO’ to people who want to control you.
Learn to say ‘NO’ When people want you to follow their wishes, dreams and commands to make only themselves happy. Why would they make you happy?
Learn to say ‘NO’ when you values and self respect is compromised.