How to stop being a people pleaser
Are you one of those people who is always trying to please others?
Do you fear people’s disapproval or making them upset?Ask yourself: Are they really happy with you?
If you answered yes to the above questions then congratulations! you are a people pleaser.
You have become so habitual of pleasing others, always thinking what they might, and might not like, that you have actually lost yourself somewhere in the process.
Why do we please people
So, Why do we care so much about what people think of us? why do we want to come into everyone’s ‘Good books’ Does it really matter, what opinion do they hold of us? As long as what we are doing isn’t morally wrong, and isn’t hurting anyone’s feelings, we are free to make our own decisions.
How we become People pleaser
First of all get this straight, you can’t make everyone happy, even if you want to, so stop trying. Actually, we think that the only way to get along with people, is to please them, flatter them, agree with them (even if we don’t find them right all the time) and the moment we will disagree with them, we shall lose them, they will remove us from their lives.
What will people think of me…
You would often hear people say what will people think of me. Think about it, how often you think about others needs before you think about your own needs? It’s sad but our every action is motivated by the desire to make people around us happy.
We sacrifice our happiness
Sometimes we are so obsessed with pleasing others that we actually sacrifice our own happiness.We find so many college students doing major in subjects that don’t interest them, they don’t love them at all…why? To make their parents happy….to make them proud parents.
All people want is to be accepted
That’s right we all want to be accepted and liked by people. Every action is motivated by the desire to promote our good image. Many people give up the professions they are madly in love with, as those professions are not acceptable in our society, everyone wants a doctor, engineer, or an MBA.So people compromise their dreams, passions, ambitions, and goals, and succumb to the desire of people around them to be accepted.
Pleasing people is fine as long as you are happy too
Of course, there is nothing wrong with helping people, it’s good to help them in any possible way you can, as long as your happiness isn’t compromised in the process, and NO you are not selfish if you put your needs before anyone else, as you have a right to be happy too.
By compromising your needs you make yourself miserable and fall victim to depression and self-pity
By making people pleased with you, by compromising your needs all the time, you just make yourself miserable for the rest of your lives.
All you have to do is say NO
I know it’s difficult to say, ‘No’, as we don’t want to hurt or disappoint people, but sometimes you have to learn to say NO, as some people tend to take advantage of you, they take you for granted, they can be really mean, so you need to see the motives behind people’s demands and favors that they want from you.
Sometimes people simply need your help and other times they only want it
You must distinguish between these two. It’s good to help them when they really NEED your help, but they can’t always get what they WANT
Tips to stop pleasing people and saying No to them when necessary
The following are the few tips that can help you determine when to say ‘NO’ to people.
- If your friend asks you for a favor, for e.g. she asks you to pick her up from the airport, if you are not busy and can manage it, do it by all means, but if you are working and can’t do it, it’s better to say NO and explain your situation, if she is your true friend, she will understand and wouldn’t hold any grudge against you.
- Do what you love to do…study the subject you want to study….pursue the career you want to…of course it’s going to hurt your parent’s feelings for a little while, but eventually, they will get over it and will focus their attention on something else, apart from their wants for you.
- Don’t forget that you have to play the ‘Main part’ of your life, you just can’t take the back seat and let others make decisions for you, you know what is best for you, what you want from your life, not anyone else. Say ‘NO’ to people who want to control you.
- Don’t forget you always have a choice to say No if you deem it suitable. And no that doesn’t make you selfish but sensible to understand when it’s right to say yes and when to say no.
- Always check if you’re being manipulated and being taken advantage of. As soon as you learn that, say No. You are better off without such manipulators who are there to take advantage of you without returning the favor.
Learn to say ‘NO’ When people want you to follow their wishes, dreams, and commands to make only themselves happy. Why would they make you happy?
Learn to say ‘NO’ when your values and self-respect is compromised.